Delia

On Hampden Road in Battery Point, Tasmania, there was a pink marzipan-colored house with mint green shutters.  Tall grass grew over the front stairs and a lone teabag rested in one of the bushes. A pulverized, black sock lay in front of the door. In the upstairs bedroom a small, brunette American, Delia Young, began to feel the sun slipping through her window and creeping onto her face. Delia slowly transitioned from sleep to consciousness and reoriented herself to her body. She felt her bra digging into her ribs, she went to wipe her eyes and felt mascara in hard, sticky clumps on her lashes. Fuck, it’s early.  

Delia reached for her phone. Delia’s pink Nokia Razor flip phone was beeping to signal a low battery and she had 4 new text messages: 

Chlo: Happy 18th, Chicken! ❤

Aunt Jackie: Happy Bday

PJ: Where r u? 

Sarah: Where did u go?

Delia felt dehydrated and confused. She went to text Sarah back to explain why she left the bar abruptly last night, but there was no reason other than she was bored and ready to go home. It felt like no one understood her chronic boredom and that everyone else was content to just sit and watch the time go by, but Delia had a restless kind of reptilian instinct to always seek out “the next thing.” Her slow texting was interrupted by a soft knock on her door.

“Hello, hellooo? It’s the birrrrrrrrrthday patrol!” Chloe sang in a high-pitched tone.

“Come in!” Delia croaked.

Chloe and Bill came into Delia’s room with an enormous chocolate cupcake with a single candle and a metallic-red heart balloon. They sang “Happy Birthday”  and carefully tip-toed over the piles of clothes, makeup and empty glasses on Delia’s floor. Chloe and Bill, two of Delia’s roommates, had been dating each other since they were in 10th grade and even though they were only four years older than Delia, they often treated her like their adopted daughter. 

“Happy Birthday deear Deliaa, happy birthday to youuuuu,'' they cooed. 

“To our favorite American!” Bill yelled. 

Delia’s face lit up as Chloe came to sit down on the edge of her bed and Delia closed her eyes and blew out the singular candle. Delia was shocked by how moved she felt by this gesture and desperately tried to conceal the tears welling up in her eyes.

“Oh my god! Are you serious? You guys! You GUYS! You didn’t have to do this!” 

“But we did! Because we’re the best roommates ever” Chloe said.

Chloe sat down on the edge of Delia’s bed and tried to find a place to put the cupcake on Delia’s nightstand among the lighters, cigarettes and gum wrappers. On Delia’s nightstand there was also a picture frame with a stock photo of a lilac flower still in it and a lamp that didn’t work. 

“Thank you guys.” 

Delia hugged Chloe and then Bill tightly. They both smelled like clean laundry and felt sturdy and solid. 

“Well, I know it’s your BIRTHDAY and you probably only wanna do fun things today, but if you want to live like a true eighteen year-old, you can come with us to Woolie’s for some mature grocery shopping,” Chloe said gently. 

Chloe and Bill had noticed that Delia was truly not adept at food shopping or cooking. She often returned home from the grocery store with a liter of Coke ZERO and a stack of tabloids. 

“I guess I could pick up a few things,” Delia sighed. 

“Okay! Meet us out front for a family outing in 30” Chloe said as she laid a peck on Delia’s head. 

“Perf.”

As soon as Chloe and Bill left the room, Delia glared at her chocolate cupcake. Delia suddenly felt threatened by this cupcake even though just moments ago, it was a symbol of how loved she was. Delia felt a deep pang of hunger in her belly and her mouth watered. She quickly cracked her window open and lit a cigarette. She held the thin Pall Mall between her two tiny fingers and chipped black polish on her nails. She squinted out the window and watched people walk their dogs and push strollers down the sunlit street. She inhaled deeply and felt the cigarette lightly burn the back of her throat. When she was finished, Delia stubbed her cigarette out in the once joyful cupcake. 

Delia plodded to the bathroom and splashed some cold water over her face and brushed her teeth. She took her shirt off and examined her body in the mirror. Her body was small and soft; the places where Delia saw her skin fold made her grimace. It was 2007 and the emaciated Olsen twin look was in. She practiced sucking her breath all the way in and a demonic smile spread across her face. Delia threw on a Led Zeppelin t-shirt, jeans and a big, scratchy wool sweater. She grabbed her nearly dead phone, wallet and cigarettes and went downstairs. On her way down, her bare foot sank into something cold, wet and mushy. 

“Ew, what the fuck?! Dan!” 

Delia ran down the stairs calling for her roommate. Dan was shirtless in the kitchen wearing reflective sunglasses and frying up eggs and bacon. 

“Hey, little mate! Happy Birthday!”

Dan grabbed Delia, gave her a big bear hug and rubbed his knuckles back and forth on her head lovingly. 

“Dude, what’s that shit on the stairs?” 

“Sauce...maybe.”

“Ewwwww, it felt like spew.”

Dan laughed as he piled his big breakfast onto his plate. Delia stared at the glistening bacon, runny eggs and perfectly browned toast with a generous amount of butter sliding down it. Dan noticed Delia’s longing gaze.

“C’mon! Sit with me and have a birthday brekkie. I can make another plate for myself.”

“No tanks. I’m going out for brekkie with Chloe and Bill” Delia lied.

Out of habit and curiosity, Delia opened the pantry to examine her shelf. There was nothing on it but a massive box of Weet-bix and a half-empty bag of Minties. 

“You know who was asking for you at the bar last night?” Dan asked with a mouthful of food.

“Who?” 

“Poo Jay.”

“Ugh, I know. He texted me. He hasn’t spoken to me in weeks, though. I cannot believe I basically stayed here for HIM, and he lost interest in me like two weeks after my parents left to go back to America. I don’t get it. Why is he even texting me if he doesn’t want to date me? AND WHY DIDN’T HE WANT TO BE MY BOYFRIEND?!” Delia lay down on the ripped, dirty couch and stared up at the ceiling as she felt paralyzed by a feeling of being unlovable. 

“Awww, c’mon. You’re so young! What do you even want a boyfriend for? Just have fun! I have so many friends who would go out with you!”

“Like?” 

“Tony!”

“Mmm...he kinda seems like he just wants to hook up.” 

“I gotta tell you, Deel,” Dan put his hand on Delia’s shoulder and looked her right in the eyes. “Honestly, most guys your age only want to hook up.” 

“But! That’s not what I want! I mean, yeah, hooking up is part of it, but I want someone to rent movies with, and, and cook with maybe? And like, go out to dinner and stuff.”

“I know! That’s what chicks want, isn’t it? Well, you gotta find yourself a nice, quiet boy then. Like Bill, but you know, not Bill.”

“Nice, quiet guys never like me. I scare them.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Deel, maybe it’s the combat boots? The eyeliner? The accent?” 

“OH, ROAST ME, why don’t you?” Delia threw a pillow at Dan and he laughed. 

Bill and Chloe came bounding down the stairs. Chloe was extremely prepared with reusable shopping bags and looked fresh-faced and full of energy. 

“Are you ready to go, Birthday Chicken?” Chloe asked.

“Yes! I’m ready.” Delia slid off the couch. 

“Let’s do it to it! Bye, Dan! Clean up whatever died on the stairs, please” Chloe said. 

Bill grabbed his keys and they were out the door. They piled into Bill’s white pick up truck. Bill turned the radio on, and “Just What I Needed” by the Cars came on. 

“Yess! I love this song. I don’t mind you standin’ here!” Chloe sang. 

“It’s coming here, babe” Bill corrected. 

“And wastin’ all my time” Chloe continued. 

“‘Cause when you’re standin’ oh, so near! I kinda lose my mind!” Delia and Chloe sang in unison at the top of their lungs. It may have been a winter day in Tasmania in August, but the sun shone brightly and the wind blasted Delia hard in the face. In these rare moments, Delia was not shackled by the incessant, oppressive thought loops in her brain: calories, jean size, boys, love, men, boys, size, love, men, calories, pretty, ugly, beautiful. In the car Delia was happy, but she knew the sadness would creep back up when she was alone. 

The three parked at Woolworth’s grocery store and Delia’s heart-rate instantly increased: being around so much food felt stressful for her. Delia tried to stay focused and shake the loopy dazed feeling caused by hunger. She bought a Coke Zero from a vending machine and felt the dark carbonation burn her empty stomach. 

Chloe and Bill grabbed a shopping cart and Delia did what she used to when she went shopping with her dad. She put her feet on the end and grabbed on as Chloe pushed. They laughed hysterically until Delia fell off. They got dirty looks from other customers, and Chloe just smiled apologetically. Delia remembered how when she did this with her dad he’d tell her to be careful and what she was doing was dangerous but there was no one here to say that now. They entered the supermarket and Delia saw a gleaming head of blonde, glossy boy hair a few rows down at one of the checkout counters. The sometimes horrible, but sometimes wonderful thing about Tasmania is that it’s so small that whenever you see someone you think is cute, there’s a 30% chance that someone you’re with knows who they are. 

“Chloe! Tim is working! Hot Tim!” Delia shriek-whispered. 

“Ooooh, Bill, you said he’s a good bloke right?” Chloe asked.

“Tim? Oh, yeah top bloke” Bill replied distractedly. 

“Relationship status?” Chloe would never encourage Delia to go after someone else’s boyfriend. She took “girl code” extremely seriously. 

Delia felt her heart pounding in anticipation of the answer. 

“Mmm, he had a girlfriend in year twelve, but I think they broke up before uni. He’s doing geography or something like that.” 

“What, like rocks and shit?” Delia stared at Tim and watched him bagging groceries. He had tan, even skin like a sunblock commercial model and a dazzling, but genuine smile.  “I like rocks.” 

Delia was abruptly brought back to the reality of the supermarket and the chill of the frozen food section. She grabbed a box of mini waffles and looked at the calories on the back. 

“Just put them in the cart, Deel! Don’t read every label” Chloe said sternly. “You’re too small as it is.” 

Comments like this at first made Delia gloat inside and she’d think: it’s working. But then she was quickly seized by the alarming realization that people were watching her. She didn’t like feeling seen. What if she got big again and people noticed that, too? What if they stopped telling her how small she was and started telling her she was too big again? She dropped the mini waffles in the cart with a heavy heart, and they carried on shopping. Delia watched as Bill and Chloe put stuff in their cart without even thinking twice about it: heavy cream, butter, Blue Ribbon ice cream. She thought about how nice it would be to shop like this, to eat like this; how nice it would be to enjoy the things she once loved so much and ate as a child before all of the bingeing, purging, weighing and measuring. 

“Hmm, I think we should check out at Register 21!” Chloe said, tilting her head to Tim’s register. 

“Don’t embarrass me!” Delia said in a hushed tone. 

Bill, Chloe and Delia stood in line at Tim’s register. Tim looked up from the conveyer belt and recognized Bill. 

“Bill! How you going, mate?” 

“Good, mate! Just getting some shopping done. You know my girlfriend Chloe, right? And Delia, my roommate.”

“Hiya!” Tim said with a friendly wave. 

“Hey Tim! Been busy today?” Chloe asked. 

“Yeah, Saturdays are always hectic” Tom sighed as he pushed back his glossy blonde hair.

“What time are you done?” 

“Seven.” 

“Come around to ours later then! It’s Delia’s birthday and we’re going to have pre-drinks at our place then go to the Telegraph.”

“Okay. That sounds like fun. You guys still on Hampden Road?”

“Yep! Pink house!”

“Right, pink house. Okay cool. I’ll come over right after work.” 

“Perfecto” Chloe said smiling contentedly as she helped bag her and Tom’s groceries. 

Delia stood there awkwardly clutching the mini waffles. 

“Just those for you?” Tim asked. 

“Yeah” Delia tried to smile and handed Tim the waffles to be scanned. 

“How old are you, then?” 

Delia paused and looked like she was doing a math equation. “Eighteen.” 

“Eighteen! Right on. Well, I’ll see you later, I guess” Tim smiled and handed Delia her bag while she fumbled for her money. She pulled out a bunch of crumpled notes and loose change. She could feel her cheeks burning just by virtue of being so close to Tim and knowing he was about to touch her money. He gave her the change and their hands touched briefly. 

“Thanks,” Delia said with an embarrassed smile. She felt herself immediately self-conscious about her entire existence and was overthinking how to take the waffles from the counter and walk away. It felt like her legs were suddenly stilts and she was using them for the first time. Delia followed Chloe and Bill out of the supermarket, and when the automatic sliding doors finally closed behind her, she and Chloe both let out excited squeals. 

“Yes! He’s SO CUTE. You’re GOOD!” Delia shrieked. 

“I am GOOD!” Chloe said as she grabbed Delia’s face with both hands. 

The automatic doors slid open again and Delia looked back and realized it was possible that Tim had heard their squealing. Delia glanced back at Tim and he was already engrossed in being polite to the next customer and Delia almost felt jealous that he would interact with so many other people before eventually coming over. 

“You’re both weird,” Bill said. “Let’s go, crazies!” 

Delia climbed back into the white pick up truck with a new lightness and a new sense of hope bubbling up inside of her. She bounced her knee nervously the whole ride home. Yes, this guy was not like all of the others: she could already tell.