"Small Talk" is a sketch first performed in the 2018 MOXIE Showcase at the Magnet Theater in New York City. Directed by Megan Gray. Edited 1/28/25

SMALL TALK 

MICHELLE is a twenty something female employee at Travelocity. She desperately wants to get her work done and make a phone call to fix an issue with some banner ads, but her coworkers will not stop making small talk with her.MICHELLE is at her desk, facing a computer screen. Enter SHARYN, her coworker.

SHARYN

 Good morning, you! Happy Monday! How was your weekend?

MICHELLE

It was good. Pretty low key. I just, you know, caught up on some chores, slept. What about you?

SHARYN

Oh my gosh! Well, on Saturday, Dan and I took Ashleigh apple picking and, well, you just have to see it. Here, I have a picture. It was SO cute. You're gonna die when you see this. Hold on.

SHARYN rifles through her bag, pulls out her phone and finds the picture of her daughter.

SHARYN (cont'd)

Here. Look. Just look! That's Ashleigh sitting on a barrel of hay.

MICHELLE

          Cute! So cute.

MICHELLE smiles weakly.

SHARYN

You'll never guess what she thought the hay was. She said to me,  "Mommy, mommy look at cereal! I want cereal!" She thought it was  shredded wheat! Isn't that hysterical?

MICHELLE

That's so funny. Ugh, well, I’m just trying to get these banner ads to run correctly, for some reason they keep freezing.

SHARYN

We picked SO many apples. It was unbelievable. I have NO idea what to do with all of them. But you know what my idea is?

MICHELLE smiles again, but is becoming irritated.

MICHELLE

           What? What's your idea?

SHARYN

 I'm going to BAKE them and make like a crustless apple pie.

MICHELLE tries to hide her disgust.

MICHELLE

          Crustless...yum.

SHARYN

Because, you know, Dan and I are both keto and I want to do something seasonal, but I mean, it's ridiculous between now and the holidays. TOO. MUCH. PIE!

MICHELLE

          That doesn't really sound like a problem.

SHARYN

No, it's soooooo bad. Pie, pie, pie and COOKIES. It's like "No, HELP! I'm not trying to be back in my maternity clothes in February!"

MICHELLE

          What a terrifying thought.

SHARYN

I know! Anyway, I'll let you get back to it. I'll email you some more pics. There's one of Ashleigh petting a goat! The goat was gross but she liked it. What are you doing for lunch?

MICHELLE

          I brought mine.

SHARYN

Oh, boo. Boring! You should throw it away and come to Chop't with me!

MICHELLE

          I'm not going to throw away my lunch.

SHARYN

           Alright, well, your call.

SHARYN walks away and MICHELLE breathes a sigh of relief. She begins working and clicking her mouse when another coworker, TIM enters.

TIM

          Oh my god, heyy!

MICHELLE

           Hey Tim

TIM

HOW funny was that vine I sent you this weekend?

MICHELLE

 Funny! Didn't even realize Vine was still a thing. 

TIM

Could you even? I must have watched it like 10 times."Shoutout to all the pear!" SO GOOD!

MICHELLE

Yep. I'm just trying to get these banner ads to run correctly. They keep freezing, and I really want to troubleshoot and figure out why.

TIM

Oh my god. Wait, I also sent you that Instagram Reel of the angry baby falling asleep in the bathtub. HE'S SO MAD! He's my spirit animal. He's like "Da fuq you waking me up for?" What a MAD baby.

MICHELLE ignores TIM and tries to continue working.

TIM(CONT'D)

I literally win the internet. You love it. I bet you go home and you're like eating your soup or whatever you do, and you're like, "Tim is SO funny. He finds the BEST short form content."

MICHELLE

 Yep. I always know I can count on 3-4 reels from you a weekend. 

TIM

Alright, well, what are you doing for lunch?

MICHELLE

           I brought mine.

 TIM

 Boo. Boring. Bring it to Chick Fil'A and watch me eat.

MICHELLE

          I'll probably just stay here.

TIM exits. MICHELLE exhales. She does to pick up the phone and another coworker, MEGAN, enters.

MEGAN

          Fuuuuuuck, MICHELLE! I am SO hungover.

MICHELLE

           Oh no. That sucks. I'm sorry.

MEGAN

           Like, literally, I could PUKE just any second.

MICHELLE

   Woah, are you okay?

MEGAN

Ugh, yeah, I'm fine. I just feel kinda like I'm on a speeding train that's also a boat, you know? And I'm just annoyed because I let Chloe from Sales come out with me last night and she still owes me $25.52 for the Uber.

MICHELLE

Ugh! How specific! Yeah, I'm just trying to see what's up with these banner ads. They keep freezing and I really want to fix them ASAP.

MEGAN

Chloe is so ungrateful. Last night not only did I get the Ubers, I got us drinks, and I got us backstage with Chance...the rapper! We took a pic with his agent and she didn't even tag me in the pic!

MICHELLE doesn't respond. She gives Megan a look of feigned sympathy then continues trying to work.

MEGAN

You need to come out with me next weekend. We have to get a drink. Let's get one during lunch! LIQUID LUUNCH! MAD (WO)MEN!

MICHELLE

           I'm good. I brought my lunch.

MEGAN

           Boo! That's no fun. Oh, shit.

MEGAN has a strange look on her face then proceeds to audibly throw up in the nearest trash can.

MICHELLE

            Neither is that.

MEGAN exits wearily. The phone rings and MICHELLE answers.

MICHELLE

Hello? Travelocity, Michelle speaking. Yes, the banner ads keep freezing, I know. I'm sorry I- you went where over the weekend? Belize? That’s great. No, I’ve never been. You bathed in what kind of placenta? I mean...I’ve used a bath bomb before. You eat the sushi off a model? No, it's okay. I brought my lunch.

BLACKOUT